Meant To Be
by LanaaLuthor
Summary: Jessica always loved Lex, but he never treated her like anything more than a friend. One day he came on to her while being split (Onyx), revealing his bad side. She pulled away, but when her best friend was shot she had no other place to go for consolation… What's meant to be will always find a way.


**Pairing: **Lex/Jessica(OC)

**Description: **Jessica always loved Lex, but he never treated her like anything more than a friend. One day he came on to her while being split (_Onyx_), revealing his bad side. She pulled away, but when her best friend was shot she had no other place than to consolation… _What's meant to be will always find a way._

**A/N **This is another spin-off. Just one shot. It's connected to the universe I created in _JeXVille/Becoming/Looking in the Mirror_, but it can be read as a standalone fic. _JeXVille _was pretty much a huge reinvention of Smallville while bringing an OC - Jessica - so there was a person that loved Lex unconditionally and eventually made him a better man.

This fic takes off at the episode _Hidden _from season 5. Clark dies while being shot.

* * *

_I came to Smallville and ended up with a crush on the most powerful man living there, the billionaire, Lex Luthor. I didn't listen to my friends telling me that he could be dangerous to me. I was too captivated by him. _

_ He didn't want me. He saw me only as a friend. I spent some time with him, hoping for something because I couldn't stay away._

_ Until one day he came to my apartment and tried to force himself on me. _

_ I pushed him away just in time. If I'd let things go any further, I would've never forgiven myself. Luckily for me, I realized that something was wrong. I realized that this wasn't the same Lex I knew. He hadn't kissed me before that day and suddenly, he was taking me into his arms, his mouth devouring mine, his body grazing against me. _

_ And then I found out that it was actually him, a part of him, the darker one. He'd been split into two when something had gone wrong in the LuthorCorp lab._

_ Since that day I've been avoiding him. Both because I didn't want to get hurt with him not feeling the same way and because I was afraid he might, after all, not be as good as I thought. _

_ One thing bothered me. If Lex with no inhibitions, with no goodness in him, had come after me, wanted to claim me… it meant he had some feelings for me deep down inside. Only I wasn't sure if I wanted to explore them anymore._

_ After that day another tragedy happened. Lana died._

_ She'd been the reason I'd come to Smallville in the first place. I couldn't find myself in Metropolis, being raised by my uncle. _

_ Mine and Lana's parents had been together the day of the meteor shower and they'd been killed. _

_We'd been friends since we could remember, so I'd taken her on that invitation and come over there. She'd been happy then, running the Talon, having Clark Kent for a boyfriend. And I'd been crushing on Lex who'd been about to get married to Helen Bryce._

_Then she'd tried to kill him. Clark had run off… that had been one of the worst summer in my life. Lana had been hurting. I'd been hurting…_

_And now Lana was dead. Killed in the second meteor shower._

_All that I had left were Clark and Chloe. The latter not really my close friend._

_This was the day everything changed._

_This was the day that showed me that I hadn't had all those feelings without a reason._

_With another tragic event I came back to the start…_

* * *

Clark got shot.

First Jessica thought it was some kind of a sick joke. Clark? Clark shot? Clark had never got hurt before! He was the one people expected to save them!

And now Jessica was rushing to the hospital as fast as she could.

She didn't want to lose him. He was the last person she had. She'd already lost Lana and turned her back on Lex in fear. Clark was her only friend now…

What would she do without him?

She got to the hospital and sneaked inside his room.

She stopped before she reached his bed. His powerful body was lying motionlessly on a cot. It was so weird, surreal, even bizarre, like in a nightmare. Only it was happening for real.

"Clark?" Jessica whispered, but he didn't answer.

She made another step forward and the machine he was connected to started beeping.

That could mean only one thing…

The doctors burst through the door, brutally shoving her aside to gain access to Clark's cot.

"Clark? Clark!" Jessica screamed. "What's happening?! He'll be alright! He will be, right?!" she asked them, panicking, desperation in her eyes. She couldn't lose him, too.

"Take her out of here!" somebody said and she was thrown out.

She could only watch what they were doing through the glass wall and then…

"We lost him…" the doctor sighed. "Time of death…"

She felt numb. Stunned.

_Time of death?_

"NO!" Jessica screamed out loud and that was when Mr. and Mrs. Kent got to her.

"Jessica? What…" Martha Kent stopped when she saw Clark's limp body.

"NO!"

"Martha…" Jonathan got closer and took her in his arms, but Jessica could see the break coming in him, too.

She had to get out of there… she had to… run…

She walked out of there, got to her car and drove to the farm, then ran up the nearest hill, quite close the place where she'd seen the spaceship after the last meteor shower. The one that killed Lana.

_Why didn't you kill me there, aliens?_ She thought. _Why?! It would've been so much easier for me now if I wasn't even here!_

Her legs were shaking, whole body trembling. She got to her knees.

Why had she had to lose everybody that was dear to her?

She laid down on the grass, hugging her body tightly with her arms, sobbing.

She didn't know how long she'd been there, crying and feeling like the life had been taken away from her as well.

Who did she have left now? Only Chloe… but the truth was that she'd never been so close to her. She wouldn't tell her all her secrets. She would tell Lana, she would tell Clark, but not Chloe, not everything. Chloe didn't even know that Jessica had been in love with Lex!

What should she do now? How would she pick herself up again?

She knew she would have to. She had to get through this like she was always getting through things, but the real question was _how_?

Lex… he was the only one she cared about now… or had used to. She could go to him. She didn't care if she would feel something for him again, she just needed somebody she could trust. Maybe it wasn't too late... maybe he would still like to get back to what they'd had once.

With that decision Jessica raised herself up. For him. She still had him, so she could go on, she could manage to get through this. She didn't think about a romantic relationship right now, she just needed _somebody_, anybody close to her, a shoulder to cry on. She knew that when she would find herself in the mansion Lex would just put his arms tightly around her, making her feel less and less hurt until the pain would go away completely and all that would be left would be Lex himself. Then she was sure her old feelings would resurface right away, but she had no other choice. She needed that consolation.

When Jessica descended the hill, got to her car and drove away.

* * *

She opened the door without knocking and saw him pouring himself some scotch.

"Le… Lex?" she spoke, her voice quiet and shaky. In fact, her entire body was shaking.

Lex put the bottle down and turned to her.

"Jessica," he said her name sadly.

He knew, she realized. He must know, she could see it on his face.

"Lex… I…" she started but didn't finish. Tears flowed instead.

"Jessica, I am so sorry," he said and got to her fast, spreading his arms and taking her in.

She knew that would happen, but she still wasn't prepared for it.

When he put his arms around her she clung to him in need to be close to someone. Anyone. But then… She felt his familiar scent. She felt the beating of his heart through his shirt. She felt his cheek next to her head. She felt his hands soothing her back.

She cried harder, sobbing frantically.

She didn't just feel the lost of Clark right now. She felt how much she actually lost when she'd stopped seeing Lex. How much she missed him.

Maybe all she could get from him was friendship, but she was strong. She would take what he offered without complaining. She needed him in her life. And she forgave him for the split incident. He hadn't been himself then. Maybe that had been a part of him, but it wasn't the whole. If she'd been split she would've probably acted the same. She would've gone to him and thrown herself on him and…

"Oh God…" she squealed on that realization.

And what was so bad in his behavior anyway? Ok, he had started kissing her with the clear intention of sleeping with her, but she hadn't pushed him away. Quite the opposite, she'd reciprocated. Only later, when she'd finally realized something had been wrong, she'd stopped him. And he'd already been hard, she could feel it. So no wonder he'd got so angry. She would've been, too, if she'd been in his shoes.

She moaned quietly into his shirt.

"What is it?... Wait…" Lex pulled away and cupped her face so he could see it clearly. "Were you and Clark…" he started and swallowed like he didn't really want to finish that question. "Were you two an item?"

"No," she denied quickly. "We weren't… that would never happen, but… he was the only person by my side those last few weeks…"

"I'm sorry," Lex apologized. "I'm sorry I didn't find Lana on time. I'm sorry she died."

"No, Lex," she said quickly, "it wasn't your fault. I was wrong to call you a murderer…" Yes, she had done that. When he'd promised her to find Lana and he couldn't. And she was still angry with him for everything else. She'd actually hated him back there for doing all of this to her. For coming on to her when he hadn't been himself. For loving him when he couldn't love her back.

And hell, she still did love him. She knew it. She felt it. No matter what she was trying to do, she couldn't stop. She thought she had, but when she saw him… it was all coming back to her. It both made her hurt less for her lost but more for the unrequited love.

Her life sucked either way.

She walked over to the sofa and sat heavily on it, hiding her face in her hands.

Soon she felt it shifting as Lex followed her and again, put his arms around her.

She didn't know how it happened exactly but somehow she found herself cradled on his laps, her arms around his neck.

They were just sitting like that, clinging to each other for comfort.

And then, after some longer period of time that seemed like eternity but it could really be five minutes, she felt something.

Something hard poking into her thigh.

She pulled away a little to look at Lex's face.

His gaze was mesmerizing and she gasped when she met his eyes and recognized the question in there.

She was still pretty sure he didn't love her, but she needed to have him at least that one time. She would deal with double pain later. Now she needed consolation. She needed to… to consummate her love. Even if he would never love her back.

So he let him kiss her, his mouth moving gently against hers. His put his hands on her shoulders and then slid them down to her waist.

She shifted, now straddling him, feeling the hard bugle in his pants against her core.

He felt so good. So much better than she imagined.

He licked her bottom lip and she involuntarily moaned, already forgetting about the outside world. Forgetting about Clark and Lana. There was just Lex. Touching her and kissing her.

Her mouth spread open as he nudged it with his tongue and then she let him play with her own. Soon she battled with him for dominance.

She was on fire, straddling him and grazing herself against him, not even realizing that she was making those moves. It came completely natural. Like she always knew it. It was instinct.

His hands wandered up again, sliding under her blouse and covering her breast through the bra, rubbing her hard nipples under the fabric.

She broke the kiss to catch some air. She was definitely too hot. She felt too much. She acted like in a haze.

He didn't stop kissing her though, he moved his mouth to her neck and sucked on her skin.

"Lex…" she gasped, opening her mouth widely.

"Jessica…" he said her name.

He suddenly raised from the sofa, carrying her with him upstairs to his bedroom. Her legs automatically went around his waist so she could hold on to him.

Her whole body felt like it would explode. It was all too much. The man she'd wanted for almost three years now was hers. Only if for the night, she still had him.

He would be her first. Everything was perfect.

He put her on his bed and, while kissing her, he begun undressing her. Her shirt landed on the floor, then her jeans as she was left only in her underwear.

She pulled on Lex's dress shirt. She didn't want to be the only one naked. She needed to see his body, too.

She managed to take his shirt out of his pants and get to the buttons when he helped her, taking it off and tossing to the floor as he clearly couldn't wait to finally be inside her.

Or not… she thought when she barely managed to glance at his chest, which was gorgeous, and then he was kissing her again and undoing her bra.

As it joined the rest of the things on the floor Lex sucked on her nipples, making her back arch, her mouth open with a moan and her core get more and more wet.

At this point she was squirming underneath his hot body.

"Lex…" she pleaded as his mouth descended and he put his tongue into her belly button. "God, you're killing me!"

"And you're killing me," he agreed.

"Then why…"

The answer came as he kissed her thighs, making his way up to her core. The he just ripped the panties off her.

"God!" she yelled when he felt his hand between her thighs, then his pianist's fingers pulling the folds aside and stroking her. "Oh, yes…"

"That's right, honey, that's right," Lex said.

He didn't mean that 'honey', did he?

But she was too far gone to think about it.

And then even more far gone as he tongued her clit.

She didn't even remember spreading her legs so wide, but she guessed they just went on their own as she was so desperate for him.

Suddenly an orgasm shot through her and she screamed Lex's name.

"That was fast," he said with a chuckle against her core. "I didn't manage to try the best moves."

"So… there are actually better…?" she asked.

"Oh, yes… but that will come later," he assured her as he came back to his previous position, facing her. He kissed her again. "Now I need… I can't hold on any longer, honey…"

"Yeah… yeah…" she hummed.

She was thankful that he took care of his pants on his own because she was unable to think. She wouldn't even know what to do with his fly at this moment. She just needed a bigger release as the first one came too fast and, therefore, was not as satisfactory.

But she did see his cock when he positioned himself.

"Wait… condom…" he remembered, not noticing the look on her face.

"It's ok, I'm on pills," she told him. She didn't want any barrier between them. She had to feel him whole and all over her as she suspected they would not repeat that.

"Oh… good," he said and finally got a closer look at her. "What's wrong?"

"You're kind of… big," she confessed.

"Is that a problem?" he almost chuckled. "A woman who complains about size… but not the normal way with too small… wait… are you…?"

"Yes," she said, not seeing any point in lying.

"Oh God… I'm so stupid," he told her, "I didn't even… we can stop if that is what you want. I don't want to take any advantage of you. You're grieving."

"No…" she denied quickly, "I mean, yes, I am grieving, but this is not why I want this… I… Lex…" No, she couldn't tell him the whole truth. But she had to have him!

"I know," he said to her astonishment, his voice thick. "Me, too."

"Wait… what?!" she was shocked. No, that couldn't be… "But you never…"

"I didn't want to taint you. I am a Luthor and there was always that dark side to me. You saw it… I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," she cupped assured him while cupping his face. "You will not hurt me. I believe in you, Lex." She kissed him.

Her heart was swooning and she felt like she was about to lose her consciousness.

Was that really happening? All that time she loved him, he loved her back?! He'd been just too afraid he would end up hurting her? He'd wanted to protect her in his own stupid way. Only that also meant he wasn't as bad as he thought.

"Lex, I need you _now,_" she pleaded.

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes!" that must've sound a little like a sex noise because he clenched his teeth in visible struggle with himself as not to come just on the sight of her naked body. Then he positioned himself between her legs again and pushed inside.

At first she hissed as she felt being stretched, but then it was better. She begun adjusting to him. Getting used to this new feeling.

That wonderful feeling, she corrected as she felt a pleasure coming from his cock grazing against the walls of her insides. That felt too good… too…

"Ok?" he asked, doing everything he could to be gentle.

"Yeah… I feel a little too stretched but… god, move… I need more…" She rolled her hips and, on the friction she gained, she opened her mouth, moaning.

"Fuck…" Lex cursed, giving her a involuntary thrust. "Are you hurt?" he asked, he didn't want to cause her too much pain.

"No," she shook her head. "Too full but not hurt… I guess I'm one of those… lucky girls," she rasped as he pushed again and then again.

"Yes, you are."

She'd never had sex before but it didn't mean it necessary had to hurt like hell. Some girls were losing their hymens during common exercises and it was completely normal.

Oh, how lucky she really was, she thought as soon she was hit by another orgasm, more powerful than the previous one. But she still wasn't completely satisfied and sated. She still wanted more. She'd been in love with Lex for so long that she just needed him so badly now when she finally got him. And he cared about her!

"Baby… can you… come again…?" he rasped as was fucking her harder and harder, judging from her verbal responses and the way she was clinging to him that she wanted it.

"Ye… yeah… Lex… Lex…" she was tossing her head to the sides.

He couldn't hold on anymore.

"Almost there…" she added, riding him from beneath frantically, desperate for another release. The most powerful one.

He reached to where their bodies were joined and rubbed her clit clumsily.

That was enough.

Her whole body froze and then she started coming, her channel milking him viciously.

"Yes! Fuck yeah!" Lex screamed as well and finally let go.

She was almost done when he started coming so she had the pleasure of watching him and feeling him filling her with his hot seed. Somehow it felt even better than the orgasm itself. Psychically better. She really was too much in love with him.

Then he stopped moving, lying in her embrace, his face buried in her hair. They both breathing heavily.

And she heard something that changed everything.

"I love you," he whispered to her ear. "I have always loved you."

She wanted to cry again. She felt she was dreaming.

But she hadn't. If she dreamt it all, Clark would still be alive.

That was real life. Some pleasure. Some pain. Some love. Some heartbreak.

"I love you, too," she said it back, her heart filling with emotions she had trouble to describe. It was all too much.

He groaned as he finally got off of her, lying on his back. His arm spread so she could snuggle up to him.

There was no more they could say to each other at this point. They could just lie there, cuddled and just feel.

And Jessica was scared of tomorrow. Everything looked better when it was dark and when they were freshly after sex.

But then they would wake up and all those doubts and pain would be back… and they would have to deal with it.

* * *

She wished she hadn't been right the previous night.

Because when she did wake up and, only for a moment, laid in that blissful happiness, Lex's warm arms around her. All her dreams coming true.

But then she remembered that her best friend was dead and, that even though she loved Lex and he evidently loved her back, there were still bumps in the road.

Lex wasn't a saint. Even if he tried to be good, he sometimes ended up with the opposite.

"Hi," she heard his voice and then he kissed her head.

It was all so real.

She finally opened her eyes and looked at him.

What she saw was his face completely bare, full of emotions he usually hid. It scared her. And in the same time exhilarated her.

"I know that you're confused…" he said when he took a good look at her face. "And I am sorry that I didn't tell you about my feelings before…"

"Why didn't you?" she asked, pulling away a little to be able to see more of his face.

He winced when he lost the contact with her body but did not complain.

"I said that already. I was afraid I would end up hurting you like I did everyone else. I don't want you to be unhappy with me."

"And why would I be unhappy?" she wasn't following.

"Because I tend to destroy everything I touch. And you are so fresh. So good. So… loving. I don't want to destroy you, too," he confessed and avoided her eyes.

She didn't know what to say. She still remembered all the times he'd hurt her. She could find good explanations for that, but what about the future? Would he hurt her again? Or maybe not?

She looked down his body. His chest, arms, belly… the rest of him was covered by the sheet, but she could evoke the image of him completely naked from her mind. She loved his body. She loved his outside and the inside. And she also hated him. For what he'd already done. And she couldn't live without him.

He waited for her to speak, but she couldn't. She didn't know what to say just yet. She just reminded herself of the previous night. Of their bodies moving together in an urgent rhythm. So synchronized. So perfect. Wet skin against wet skin. Passion. Heat. She knew there was no other place for her but with him. She was miserable without Lex in her life.

"Do you regret it?" he finally spoke again, asking her.

"No, of course not," she said. "You know I had feelings for you."

"Had?" he repeated immediately, finally meeting her eyes again. "Last night I heard that you loved me. It wasn't past tense, was it?" his voice bitter now, almost hurt. The emotions gone from his face like he shut them out in his usual way.

"It's… complicated," she sighed and sat up, covering herself with the sheet, so he wouldn't be distracted by her nakedness.

"It's complicated because what I did when I split?" he said, half-asking, half-stating it. "Jessica, I am sorry about last night. It shouldn't have happened."

"Do _you_ regret it?" she suddenly asked, fear evident in her voice,

"Yes," he replied and with that one simple word her heart was crumbled to pieces. He did it again. He broke it. She lost count how many times it'd happened before, without him even knowing. Her eyes were stinging, tears coming quickly.

"And no," he added, looking back at her with pain as well. "I would do it all over again and that is why I don't want to taint you with myself," he finished with his used up line. "I'm just not good for you. I care about you, Jessica, but I just wish it all happened in different circumstances. I am broken and that is why it's so wrong."

"So let me get this all out in the open. You didn't make a move on me, even though you wanted to, because of _this_?"

"Yes."

"Well, Lex, maybe you haven't noticed, but I am broken, too," she said. "Let's be broken together."

His face lit up again, emotions visible now. Eyes not really believing.

"Are you sure? I admit to being too weak right now to fight it, so… are you _absolutely _sure you want this? You know what I've done? God knows I didn't mean it, but…"

"I know and I love you despite it all. I can't help it. You're in me, Lex Luthor, like a poison and you will always be."

"I hope it's a good kind of poison," he chuckled to diffuse the situation.

"It is soooo good…" she assured and finally dared to touch him again, kissing him with feeling.

"We need to get out of here… out of Smallville… there's nothing keeping us here anymore," Lex suggested a moment later.

"You're right. We have to. Too much painful memories."

Somehow fate brought them together even though, at some point, it seemed impossible. They both thought they were never meant to be, but they were wrong. They were the same. They needed each other and they loved each other.

That was all they needed.

* * *

**A/N **Eh… I didn't mean to, but somehow it became kind of personal… in some places. But oh well, enjoy the reading.

**A/N2 **And somehow this version turned out to be the happiest scenario for Jex. So much more happier and so much less paintful for them.


End file.
